The Journey: The Burning Part 1

*Keep in mind, this is a rough draft. Let me now if you have any suggestions, questions, comments, problems, complaints, etc. let me know and I will be happy to hear it. Thank you!!

As we (my brother and I) hid underneath the counter, we listened. The shop was empty, for now. We should try to leave while we still could.

I shift into a position that lets me peek over the counter, and I see the coast is clear. I want to run now, to run while we can, but I have to wait for Patrick to give the order. He is the oldest so I have to listen to him. I was never able to sit still. Justin knows that so surely he won’t make us stay here for long.

I was wrong.

An hour later, we are still under the counter. I gather all of my nerve, and ask, “Isn’t it safe yet?”

In return, I receive a glare. “Hush. Don’t bother me with whining.”

I always hated being the youngest. It was worse for me because he was my legal guardian, so kind of like my foster dad or something like that. I actually have to obey him. But I am done with obedience at the moment. I sit up taller and again, I look over the counter. We are in a bakery shop and it has an open window so I can see out of it.

“Sit down.” Came the order.

I look at his face, and see not anger, (well, slight anger) but fear.

“What is the big deal? Can’t we leave hiding in this shop and go outside. I am sure they are gone now.”

Patrick looks at me like I am a child who doesn’t understand. “Pirates will kill you if they want to. You know that. Do you want to risk getting caught?”

I don’t want it, but suddenly, I am hit with a feeling of overwhelming sadness.

My fear whispers in my head.

“You are alone. you and your brother are alone.”

Patrick sees I am upset. “It’s okay. I am sure the pirates are done raiding.”

That is why we are hiding. Pirates were invading our village and there was nothing we could do but hide. The odds are, the pirates will not come up here to an unimportant store. The last time pirates had invaded our village, it was seven years ago. I was four at the time. They killed my parents.

Tears blurred my vision. Patrick’s voice cut through my sorrow saying, “Why don’t you try to get some rest? It will ease your mind.” He suggests.

Under here? That does not sound appealing but I am so tired so maybe..


I awoke suddenly. I never meant to sleep in the first place. Sleeping had not helped me, instead I was bothered with nightmares. I saw fire. It reminds me of the fire that killed my parents.

Patrick smiles at me. “I think it is safe now.”

I crawl out from under the counter and stand up slowly, stretching my legs. I wait for Patrick as he crawls out slower than I, because he is bigger, and then he stretches.

I don’t know how long I was asleep but it must have been a few hours because it was dark outside. “Prepare for the worst. It just might be time for us to leave this village. We have enough money. We could take a ship and leave this pirate infested area.” Patrick says.

We leave the shop, and head down towards the village, none of us paying much attention to the air until I began to cough. My brother and I look at each other. It was smoke. We run faster, it took us a long time because the shop was miles away from the village. We looked up and saw what we had neglected to see before because it was so dark, smoke. So much smoke, fuming into the air.  Then we see it. A huge brush fire, beginning in our village, and traveling at an alarming rate. The entire village was burned to the ground, but that wasn’t the worst part. It was heading towards us.


5 responses to “The Journey: The Burning Part 1

      • Sorry I was unclear, at the start, when you are seeking to see over the counter you would use peek instead of peak

        “I shift into a position that lets me peak over the counter”

        The fact that only this jumps out at me means you are quite a good young writer. Good luck.

      • As a writer, words are your armor and your weapon. Pick exactly the right one and you will never go into battle armed with a knitting needle. Unless you are a ninja in which case it would be OK.

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